I wonder if part of this is having to share your time with someone else. Agreed. I am actually not promoting anything. But it doesnt sound like its fine for the boyfriend. Like he was programmed that way. Your boyfriend is spending every weekend at his parents house because you are enabling that to happen. So put aside the awks phone chat you might have to have with your Mum, and enjoy the fact that this year you can eat until you feel sick with your bae. Trying to see this in another light (or maybe just defending myself haha), I could totally see myself saying oh come on, hang out for a while longer to just about anyone who comes over. There are so many preserved places that are paid for with tax dollars so you might as well use them. Granted I dont live at home so definitely value all the time I get there, but some people just are more comfortable/prefer being around their family. January 20, 2012, 10:50 am. June 18, 2014, 12:47 pm. What about visiting your parents? On one side you get the parents who reinforce their power and superior knowledge over and over again by holding their adult children in the nest, on the other side you get an individual who rather depend on the parents because by the time they are adults its just much easier and normal for them to continue letting mommy and daddy do all the hard thinking for them. A picnic in the park? Those things how they want to spend their weekends, their philosophies about money are the kind of things you should know about someone BEFORE making the huge commitment of moving in together. During football season we spend Saturdays and Sundays, all day, watching football with the same people. January 4, 2021, 3:15 am. NOt exactly like you put it, but yes I believe there are certain things (finances mostly) that def have to be discussed prior to moving in with your SO. That is not the way that I would ever want it to be. The relationship this man has with his family is dysfunctional and heres why. January 20, 2012, 10:53 am. The little things like who is taking the garbage out? June 18, 2014, 11:41 am. That is, if a potential BF invites me to a restaurant, and it is way beyond my price line, I will tell him right then and there, that this would not be my choice, and give an example of one that suits me more. I think it gives both of us an opportunity to have some alone time. He considers you a party breaker because you dont want to sit all day every weekend with his family and listen to the same stories. I completely agree with Angelique in that this family dynamic is dysfunctional. Once starting over was a better outlook then staying in the relationship, I or we got out. Either way, if she doesnt want to be there every weekend, this is the time to discuss it. Say that you were thinking more along the lines of once a month. But, guilting someone is wrong and there is a little of that going on here. First, you are against it because youre fine where you live and dont want to ruin it. Or is that the LWs perception because she wants to be home? He feels guilty for leaving them, feels comfortable with them, or runs away from some problems he has with you. Maybe Im the weird one who, even if I leave work early, never seems to get home until wayyyy late. January 20, 2012, 10:03 am. Starting over! Spend most of their spare time with Mom, and significant others take a backseat. Youre lifestyles dont mesh and they probably never will. Id ask if he plans on making that a routinemaybe one of his parents is sick and he hasnt told her? That was seven years ago. Or drive somewhere without lots of light pollution to go stargazing. That said, I think the LW should just talk to her boyfriend. Over time, the wife found living so close to her in-laws stifling, contributing to the divorce. I miss just being able to head out into the city at random, looking for things to do, which is what I did when I was single and even when my boyfriend and I werent living together. January 20, 2012, 9:13 am. Even if they stay together and even if she manages to persuade her boyfriend to spend less time with his parents, the parents are going to resent the LW for it. If that doesnt work if he wont set aside some time for the two of you, or if you need more distance from his family than hes willing or able to manage, then Im afraid its MOA time. In my experience, if you manage to schedule some quality couple time whatever activity counts as that for you every weekend, youre likely to care much less about visiting the in-laws etc. Like hey I can afford around this much, SO says I can afford a little more, so how about I pay a little more of the rent every month so we can get a nicer place? Yes. Ooo, I might try that out this summer, that looks fun! Also, let him know that the paying for tickets to the suburbs is expensive for you, so ask if he would be willing to limit the number of times that you go to visit his parents (say once a month). I guess I just dont get why this is dysfunctional exactly. lets_be_honest Pay careful attention to his reaction. My parents have an awesome house with a huge yard with bike, 4 wheelers, space for baseball, a pool, tennis court (now I sound spoiled)if we lived close enough Id rather hang at their house than our little apartment. I never feel like Im the priority and always in the backseat:(. Spare yourself and him a relationship that makes you both resentful. WebHere are potential reasons why your husband goes out every weekend without you. Thats what next times are for! Even with stuff planned, spending time with his daughter, etc., he still prefers to spend his free time at his parents home. Which is totally fine for you. allathian You do like to see people you love, right? Finally my sister was like, every time you think you jokingly say please move back home, I feel like crap. But this situation doesnt even necessarily sound like heavy parental guilting (even though the LW says it makes her feel guilty), just like oh we want to spend more time with you! and the LWs not as used to letting it go. I think its every weekend during the parts of the year he travels a lot, so summer and fall. If the relatives of only one spouse are prioritized, the other spouse will be dissatisfied. When there is no holiday, they decide to have a BBQ in the backyard, and of course, they invite too many people to that event. I think maybe its like he would spend time with her, and go on his own to his parents before they moved in, but since they live together maybe she feels like since hes going she has to go along. he also said all the right things, like baby i wouldnt do that your friends just dont like me, etc etc. As for the LWs sitch, its only been a few weeks. I dont think the parents issue is as big of a deal as the not-communicating-about-money-very-well thing. He values his family and wants to spend his free time with them (and you). From unexpected work obligations on the weekend to sudden business travel demands, one partners professional goals and ambitions can impose stress on a There is absolutely nothing wrong with her wanting him to spend more time with her. Theres a LOT more to this story than meets the eye, and I suspect that the LW and her boyfriend are very different people with very different priorities, and who have both been blinded to these differences by the hot glow of lurve. Something that youre going to have to communicate about. It is what they like to do. and it sounds like she hasnt even tried to discuss this current issue with him. This is especially important ifhis parents dont respect boundaries. Another weekend and the same situation again; its like youre living in Groundhog day. So why are you still with him? March 11, 2017, 11:48 am. says that maybe he needs to transition from one house to the next, seeing as its only been three weeks. She kept trying to change it and regularly fights with him about it. January 20, 2012, 9:54 am. So if you feel your husband growing distant, and you realize he hasnt said I love you in a long time, it could be because hes wrestling with feeling like he doesnt want you around. In other words, its a big sign he doesnt want to spend time with you. Heres a look at the 5 big stages successful relationships have to go through. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to go to his parents house every weekend? when we went to move in together we just said ok, what price range are you looking for. January 20, 2012, 10:33 am. Maybe you can offer to make dinner or get tickets to a play or museum show. Ive put my head in the sand in relationships as well before. Not just loving-tight, but codependent-tight. you can let things happen naturally to a certain point but after that there are times you have to have a conversation, unless you want there to be misunderstandings or assumptions made. Yea, I mean this could be two things: a mere annoyance or an over the top mom. When they were planning on adopting, I told her that if this is an issue to where she is left with baby a huge amount of time and resents him for it, its not going to be pretty. Its weird. When my husband and I got together, he was working a 4-hour drive from me and wed only see each other on weekends and vacations. So its not like every.single.weekend. Heck, some people are just like that. She doesnt mention doing it with him at all. Yes, this. This may seem obvious, but its so easy to forget and feel bad. I am afraid for humanity. But, in a very close and codependent family dynamic this doesnt get to really happen much. Ugh and when girls believe their boyfriends that clearly just dont want the bang train to leave over other people it drives me crazy. January 20, 2012, 8:52 pm. This has been going on for 4 years and its not going to change on its own. Im also curious about how far away the parents live. Its over the top. My husband and I are very much like you all except reversed. January 20, 2012, 11:17 am. This too. Bagge72 YES! You accept him as he is or you leave. Maybe the new place would start to feel more like home. And am going to go to the bathroom, stick my head up my ass, sign lulabyes and probably have quite a splendid day. In my experience, though, it seldom works. His family is about a 3 hour drive away from us while mine Wow its creepy how similar this is to my ex boyfriend! GatorGirl Too much info missing. I agree with the expenses. Thats why the weekend is an extra time to do everything you didnt get to on weekdays. 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