It's not your baby. Be VERY cautious in the first month of life. Verywell Family's content is for informational and educational purposes only. Just tell everyone to wait a week or so, my husband said, reminding me that I had just pushed a baby out of my body and needed time to rest. To get a balanced view, we put the dilemma to a group of Irish parents, keeping things anonymous to encourage honest answers. Ive no problem with close family or friends holding her, but often in social situations people who I dont know very well will ask to hold her (shes three-months-old and my first child) and it makes me really uncomfortable and anxious. since infants can also contract the disease. I in fact never asked to hold him, only GM and GF did. Not everyone is going to agree with you and you'll make some people mad, but they will get over it. Also Read:How to Hold an Infant Properly? my 2nd . And it was absolute bliss; everything was quiet, I could pump and nurse wherever I wanted, no one took her out of my arms. Others say that the grandparents won't be allowed to visit their newborn grandchild for the first few weeks or even months. Newborns are so delicate, and parents often wonder when is the right time to allow visitors to hold their baby. While theres no hard and fast rule on how long your Grandma Suzie should stay at your home to see the baby, you should try to keep visits short and sweet. Nobody has a right to your baby, and that includes close family. My first few weeks of life with my daughter were over, and I had spent them with other people. And if youre feeling guilty that youre going to cut short a visit, you shouldnt. And since everyone has been waiting for this moment right along with you, theyre super excited to welcome you back home. Helping outwith housework is important, but it can be tricky. Seeing other people hold her, even the people I loved most, made me feel like a part of me was missing. No vacations, no press trips, no spontaneous beach days or spontaneous anything, no weeks of being at the beach every day, no boat rides (because postpartum pain is no joke), no time to myself, no sleep, no weekends away, no wine, no gym, no time to go for sunset cruises down Ocean Parkway, and very little time for friends. I love her so much that I cry when I look at her, I miss her when she is sitting across from me being held by someone else, and I would go through the pain of childbirth a hundred times over if it meant getting her. Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. Your baby has a right to her own space too. Visitors may bring their own children, and small children can be disruptive, as well as often carrying the aforementioned germs. I'm wet. Some parents will be more than happy to hand off the baby for a while. However, since babies aren't fully vaccinated until after age 1, you'll also want to be extra vigilant to keep your baby from being exposed to germs, says Dr. Hasson. Most grandparents will be dying to help with the baby, but again, defer to the parents' wishes. should not be construed as a substitute for advice from a medical professional or health care provider. Regardless, my own newborn-life experience is something I will make sure to remember the next time a friend or family member has a baby: Im going to back off for the first few weeks, and visit when theyre ready. So, it is wise to be to limit who you let touch your newborn, says Dr. Ahmed. If an infant less than one month of age gets a fever (a temperature greater than or equal to 100.4), that child needs to be admitted to . Side note- I have the same situation, I have one specific person who I don . Another smart strategy, says Dr. Ahmed, is to let someone hold your baby for just a few minutes, thereby limiting your baby's potential exposure. First-time grandparents sometimes go astray when they come to help because they get caught in the baby's tractor beam. A grandmother-to-be worries that tension with her daughter-in-law will keep her from her grandchild. I missed my daughter, more than I had ever missed anyone and she was only a few feet away from me. Well, most of the time. 1. Her work has been published in numerous magazines, newspapers, and websites, including Activity Connection,Glamour, PDX Parent, Self, TripSavvy,Marie Claire,and TimeOut NY. Anyone else's baby a climber. Ive also never felt the love that I feel for Sophia. I personally think you are overreacting. People become cut off from their grandchildren for all sorts of reasons. All Rights Reserved. Scientists suspect that lack of bonding in human babies can cause similar problems. We have let both sets of grandparents hold the baby, but that is it. Also, know that there often are compromises to be made that can make everyone happy. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). Code, or contact the Council, at www.presscouncil.ie, Its just that those first few weeks are such a precious time, especially as a brand-new parent. Most newborns feed every two to three hours, followed by a nap. So visits should not interfere with this routine to ensure that the baby has sufficient time for both. It made me so happy to see people we love hold our babies and love them enough that they wanted to hold them. Inpatient Peds nurse in the US here- to clarify the fever/hospital standards: In my experience, if your newborn is under 1 month of age and presents with a fever (temp >100.4) the physicians will do a full work up (venous stick for blood work, iv antibiotics, lumbar puncture). For example, a young woman meets a man from a higher social class. Hip Hold. Babies also grow quickly in the early months and they have very small stomachs. This should go without saying, but it can be fatal to your child to be around anyone who is sick. Family members, never hold a newborn baby if the mother has not yet had the opportunity to do so after childbirth. Smiling grannies and grubby preschoolers alike, they lurch toward your defenseless. I've also told people I don't want anybody kissing him. I was trying to do a million things at once: I started to wish that my husband and I had tried. Please Respect That I Do Not Want Visitors After My Baby's Delivery. Hold your baby to your shoulder or chest. Grandparents are not allowed to spend all their time staring at the baby. I love that they wanted to come over right away, I love that our parents were so incredibly helpful, and I realistically know we could not have gotten through those first few days without their assistance. services and So if someone wants to see the baby, they have to have a recent TDaP vaccine, and absolutely no one should get near the baby if they havent been vaccinated against Covid. Dr. Alexander adds: Very serious infections such as sepsis or meningitis are possible during the first few months of life. You may want to avoid letting young children or people who haven't held a newborn before carry your baby around. Ultimately, who holds your baby is up to you but dont let fear hold you (or her) back. Now that were a few months in, Im practically begging for visitors. There should be no coughing or sneezing allowed near your child, let alone by the one doing the holding. His son Ryan and. This week, one first-time mum asks if refusing to engage in Pass The Baby is acceptable or just plain rude. "Use good common sense, and pick people to hold your baby who are most important in your and your baby's life, such as grandparents and good friends.". Lay your baby, stomach down, across your forearm with the head up toward your elbow. Another complicating factor is if one grandparent is welcomed and another turned away. And the funny thing? Updated: June 3, 2021. Come over to the Jan/Feb boards and you can see numerous parents of babies who were taken to the ER and admitted to the NICU because they got RSV in their first two months. I should add that we DID let family hold our LO in the hospital (after much hand washing! No one has ever made me happier. Let us know anonymouslyin our survey hereand well put it to the real-life experts: your fellow mums and dads. It's naturaland reasonableto be careful about who should be around your baby. Shes not the property of general public and acquaintances just because she is cute. But when can visitors see your newborn? Smokers should not hold the baby for at least half an hour after smoking. 6. Most newborns need eight to 12 feedings a day about one feeding every two to three hours. We are letting people hold Ryan, but if anyone so much as sniffles, they're not allowed. 1. Her Dr. actually told us to be paranoid b/c if a newborn gets a Here are some other reasons why parents may request that grandparents not visit the hospital: It's important to remember that new mothers are usually sent home after 48 hours. In the 1950s, stays of one week to 10 days were standard. Were very close with our families, and we wanted them nearby. Police leading the search for a missing two-month-old baby have sought an extension of 36 hours to continue questioning their parents. BFP May 11, 2012 Maybe then we would have felt less overwhelmed. Your email address will not be published. Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. Originally Published: Jan. 16, 2018. aluxum / Getty. The mother may not want visitors when she is not looking or feeling her best, as may be the case after childbirth. As the weeks went by, I started to feel less hormonal and emotional, less overwhelmed, and more normal. I let people hold him, but they HAVE to wash their hands first. Breastfeeding: the trick to a comfy latch. The days that followed were a whirlwind. I could not wait to introduce my tiny little human to everyone in my life. "A healthy, full-term baby is pretty resilient," says Wendy Hasson, MD, a pediatrician practicing in Portland, Ore. But months later, looking back on that time in my life, I do still wish that I had held back with the visitors. Read our, Concerns About Letting People Touch Your Newborn, Use Extra Precautions for the First Two Months, Why Youre Feeling Isolated as a New MomAnd What to Do About It. Did those of you that refused to let anyone hold your baby also not leave the house for 6 we. We were only there for 15 minutes, they made us and the his dad and his wife uncomfortable too. Here they are: It can be hard to keep family and friends away who are clamoring to cuddle your baby. That's a lot of 1. AITA: for not letting my partner's family hold my child? Your This means they need to feed little and often. Sometimes parents who restricted visitors with a first child are completely fine with visitors for subsequent births, especially since there is an older sibling to be cared for. Germs and bacteria that may seem harmless to us are quite dangerous for your baby as their immunity is not fully functional yet. Please note that The Journal uses cookies to improve your experience and to provide It made me so happ, My personal opinion is that it is ridiculous to not let healthy family members hold a new baby. When anyone came over, I tried to politely sit and talk with them while also having to lock myself in my bedroom every hour or so to breastfeed and pump. The parents don't want the burden of having to offer food and drinks or otherwise entertain their guests. She has written articles on pregnancy, parenting, and relationships. I agree to receive relevant emails from BabyCentre and to the use of my health information to make the service more helpful. Susan Adcox is a writer covering grandparenting and author of Stories From My Grandparent: An Heirloom Journal for Your Grandchild. Almost everyone wants to hold a new baby, but there are real concerns to keep in mind. In-laws may not see any reason to callyou are family after all, they think. They were both told no for no reason. Will the COVID-19 Vaccine Be Safe for Babies? June 22, 2012 - heard the heartbeat 9w1d 181 BPM!! They are going through a lot of changes. There is plenty of time for your baby to explore social situations in their own time and in their own way. Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. So, it's advisable to avoid letting most people touch your baby and to avoid crowds, says the pediatrician. I worry that shell pick up a cold or virus, which I know is unlikely but I cant help it. To snuggle skin to skin, eye-to-eye, face-to-face, breathing in his sweet new baby smell while he breathes . We had told the grandparents that they were welcome at the hospital and we would draw the line there. , A post shared by Jessica Booth (@jboothyy) on Jun 29, 2019 at 12:12pm PDT. Let us know anonymously here! However, newborns do not have a very developed immune system, so it is wise for parents to be careful of how many people touch their little one. Me: unexplained infertility - annovulatory Some parents feel an intense attachment within the first minutes or days after their baby's birth. Fun for everyone, right? I didn't agree but didn't disagree as well. Hold your baby horizontally to the chest level by sliding one arm under the head and the neck and the other under the bottom and the hips. Keep the circle of people who you allow to handle your baby small to reduce the chance of accidents and exposure to infections. Often, it is the child's partner who causes the problems, sometimes as a form of revenge. Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Keep doing what you are doing and dont feel bad about making excuses. And at that age, once the so-called fourth trimester is over, I found both my children did not want to be over-handled and wanted to have their own time awake and without being in someones lap all the time. Except for the hepatitis B vaccine, these are administered at the two-month-old well visit and include the Hib, Prevnar, DtaP, IPV, hepatitis B, and rotavirus vaccines. This time frame might not work for some families, particularly if you have parents who are helping to take care of the baby. Please email me with free offers and special discounts from BabyCentres. around. Since mom herself will be back on her period soon, there's no valid, medically-proven reason that someone's menstrual cycle would cause any harm to a newborn. Grandparents may not understand such decisions, but they should at least grant that the parents are acting out of the best of motives. "Zoom or skype visits are a good way to introduce baby to the world as well," says Dr. Khan.